I recently came across a very nice post on how not to love and it moved me to write a guy version of the same (That post was by a girl).
To Future Lover,
I won't love you like your ex-boyfriend. I won't love you like your dream boyfriend. I will love you in my own way. What is my own way? Well, I don't know that yet. Because I haven't met you yet. I don't know what I like best about you. I am not looking for anything specific. The God is in small things but those things are not specific. It can be the way you wipe your nose once you've got the sniffles, it can be the way you make a long face when I drop your favourite crockery. I have not planned anything. Nor am I going to, your future birthdays, our anniversaries included. I do believe in making someone's day but, I don't think I am good with making plans.
The funny thing is, you can mould me into forms you like. I can wake up early or late depending on your sleep patterns. I can be okay or not okay with public display of affection depending on what you like. Yes, I have had a dating life but, you're not going to be fitting in a pattern for me. You won't be taking a place of someone else. You will be making your own place. I won't love you like I love others. I haven't set the rules for you and I hope you won't either.
This isn't a letter about lowering expectations. I want you to expect me to sweep you off your feet. I just don't want you or anyone else to plan it for me. Not even those love songs and films that you've been watching. Expect me to love you, just don't expect me to play the role of someone who loves you or loved you.
There is a reason for all this. It is not as if I am against teddy bears, chocolates and roses. It is just that when you have a clear-cut job description, people who are lousy at their jobs have more chances of getting fired. I don't want to get fired. I will rather take my chances with someone who doesn't want a spot filled in her life. Someone who is complete.
I do have a few promises to make though. I promise that I will...
... Wait outside the ladies washroom for you. I will never be the lover who lets his girlfriend/ wife shop alone except when you want to.
... Take lots of detours. I promise never to fall in a routine. When we're returning from your cousin's boring wedding, we are going to that hilltop just to soak in the night sky for a while.
... Tell you everything.
I am one of those guys who don't make phone calls unless they have something important to say. I also fumble with grand romantic gestures. I sometimes do not reply to texts immediately. If you turn me into someone more vocal, more loud; I perhaps will. For me, changing my approach toward a relationship is like changing the wrapping of a gift. The gift still remains the same. The catch is though that- I don't want you to ask me to change. I want you to make me want to love you more. That is only possible when there is a competition between us- 'Who Loves The Other One More?'
If I sense that you're competing with me in that arena, then by golly I will defeat you in that game. I will love the heck out of you.
I know love is not supposed to be conditional, it is not supposed to be sane. Sadly, I am not insane initially in a relationship. I am like that mysterious unicorn who only respects the one who he sees fit. Once you earn my respect, we can be competitors at this game o' two for life.
Love,
Abhyudaya
To Future Lover,
I won't love you like your ex-boyfriend. I won't love you like your dream boyfriend. I will love you in my own way. What is my own way? Well, I don't know that yet. Because I haven't met you yet. I don't know what I like best about you. I am not looking for anything specific. The God is in small things but those things are not specific. It can be the way you wipe your nose once you've got the sniffles, it can be the way you make a long face when I drop your favourite crockery. I have not planned anything. Nor am I going to, your future birthdays, our anniversaries included. I do believe in making someone's day but, I don't think I am good with making plans.
The funny thing is, you can mould me into forms you like. I can wake up early or late depending on your sleep patterns. I can be okay or not okay with public display of affection depending on what you like. Yes, I have had a dating life but, you're not going to be fitting in a pattern for me. You won't be taking a place of someone else. You will be making your own place. I won't love you like I love others. I haven't set the rules for you and I hope you won't either.
This isn't a letter about lowering expectations. I want you to expect me to sweep you off your feet. I just don't want you or anyone else to plan it for me. Not even those love songs and films that you've been watching. Expect me to love you, just don't expect me to play the role of someone who loves you or loved you.
There is a reason for all this. It is not as if I am against teddy bears, chocolates and roses. It is just that when you have a clear-cut job description, people who are lousy at their jobs have more chances of getting fired. I don't want to get fired. I will rather take my chances with someone who doesn't want a spot filled in her life. Someone who is complete.
I do have a few promises to make though. I promise that I will...
... Wait outside the ladies washroom for you. I will never be the lover who lets his girlfriend/ wife shop alone except when you want to.
... Take lots of detours. I promise never to fall in a routine. When we're returning from your cousin's boring wedding, we are going to that hilltop just to soak in the night sky for a while.
... Tell you everything.
I am one of those guys who don't make phone calls unless they have something important to say. I also fumble with grand romantic gestures. I sometimes do not reply to texts immediately. If you turn me into someone more vocal, more loud; I perhaps will. For me, changing my approach toward a relationship is like changing the wrapping of a gift. The gift still remains the same. The catch is though that- I don't want you to ask me to change. I want you to make me want to love you more. That is only possible when there is a competition between us- 'Who Loves The Other One More?'
If I sense that you're competing with me in that arena, then by golly I will defeat you in that game. I will love the heck out of you.
I know love is not supposed to be conditional, it is not supposed to be sane. Sadly, I am not insane initially in a relationship. I am like that mysterious unicorn who only respects the one who he sees fit. Once you earn my respect, we can be competitors at this game o' two for life.
Love,
Abhyudaya
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